This isn’t really about the podcast, more the journey to it…
What Happened: I was interviewed by Jo Wood for the ‘Librarians with Lives’ podcast series. It was my first time being interviewed ‘live’ – having done print interviews and first time on a podcast. The very excellent Jo Alcock put me us in contact. I’m not going to go too much in depth about what was said because
- That’ll be covered by Jo W. herself;
- I can’t really remember fully – but we did look back at my career in libraries and discussed people who I thought were really important in my career.
So What: So doing this podcast – although only an hour out of my day got me to thinking about how how much I have grown– both professionally and emotionally in last few years.
To do something like two or three years ago would have been unthinkable. The thought of putting myself – not just myself as a librarian, but myself as the ‘whole’ – on display in an uncontrolled manner even on this small scale – would have been a stone-dead no-go. (I still dreaded it, was so very nervous – and had a great urge to back-out. But I didn’t.) Personally, beyond (vapid, cringe-inducing*) opinions on Twitter, I had never been much of a social creature beyond my inner-circle of friends & colleagues, through lack of confidence and shyness. Professionally – I was a bit better, but only due to having important people bringing this out in me.
However, personal growth (interlinking maturing and understanding some wider concepts – such as imposter syndrome, authenticity …thanks again Leadership Programme!), has allowed me to accept myself – personally and professionally. This started from quite a sad place but I feel like I have grown into my own skin.
In the past I felt like I had been trying to portray a better version of me, especially professionally, – which in truth was just bits of people I admired splodged together, rather than honestly seeing who I was and working with that.
It’s OK to have flaws (mouth being quicker than brain being a recurring one!), be a bit boring – something I talk about in the podcast – not even Ryan Reynolds is perfect! Doing your best and doing the best are two different things – and that is OK. If you do your best, you can do no more . I truly understood this out training for a half marathon in 2016.
This is not to say I am immune to personal and professional criticism, in fact – probably the opposite. But I am comfortable enough to accept that not everyone will like or respect me. That’s OK. If they don’t, fuck ‘em.
But… the podcast – yeah it was alright 🙂
Now What: Well, the podcast goes live on the 31st October, so hopefully I won’t be ran out of town! There is a chat between Jo & I about running due out early in the new year. In terms of growth, I have mechanisms in place to ensure I don’t step back to far on down days (mindfulness, running, family time) and I am trying to challenge myself professionally and personally to continue to grow and appreciate life.
Also my Twitter opinions are still vapid, but don’t make me cringe as much reading them back…